Slow Gains For A Popularity Contest

And the prize for the most naff election slogan goes to………….. actually, it’s not that easy to decide this one. Deciding the outcome of the election is pretty simple compared to this conundrum of the humdrum.

NZ First would have to be a contender in this contest, although I doubt that will be of much comfort to Whinny when he is reading his current polling figures. “Back Your Future” is the gem they have chosen to run with. Not only does it not sound like “properly English”, but it sounds like there is a prospect that this particular party actually has a future, which is rather hard to imagine given the fact that Whinny now seems to have even less mates than the Nats.

If burning bridges was an Olympic sport, then Whinny might be heading for a gold medal, but as far as his chances of returning to Parliament go, they seem destined to be heading into the past at breakneck speed.

ACT aren’t far behind NZ First when it comes to naff slogans. In fact, one suspects that Rimmer was peeking over Whinny’s shoulder when he came up with their very lame and hardly distinguishable “Change Your Future”. Sometimes just one word can make a world of difference, but this is not one of those times. It lacks punch and simply lays there all flabby and impotent.

The Maori Party has come up with a rather ironic one, though; “Believe In You, Believe In Me”, which given their previous traitorous treatment of their voters when they were in coalition with the Nats, begs the question as to whether they can be believed at all.

One Party (who?) Yes, I wondered who as well. However, after a quick Google I found that One Party was actually formed in 1999 and has contested each election since then. It began with just one candidate in 1999 and won 0.06% of the vote which was probably the combined congregations of the churches that it sprang from. According to Wikipedia it was partly modelled on Pauline Hanson’s Australian One Nation Party and sat about 10 degrees right of Adolf Hitler, politically. Their little pearl is, “Vote For A Better Future”, which is rather party non-specific as I am sure every voter hopes that is exactly what they are doing when they append their tick to their ballot paper.

The New Zealand Democratic Party for Social Credit (do they really need such a wordy moniker?) has chosen, “Reclaim Our Future” which I would have thought to be something of an impossibility semantically speaking, “as it were, so to speak” which is an old gag that those of a certain age may get from Social Credit’s early leader who used it at the end of nearly every election speech one year.

The Nats have definitely come up with the most wordy and cumbersome example; Strong Team, More Jobs, Better Economy” . This invites a little bit of smart-arse editing, e.g. Strong Team (I wondered what that nasty smell was), More (low paid) jobs, Better Economy (for the usual suspects – our big business mates). In any case, that strong team is likely to be a very small one after September 19, so I expect it will not be that strong in the rucks and mauls, let alone the areas of policy, which so far seem to be the same old, same old with the only difference being that it’s being peddled by their fifth leader since the last election, and who is only a place holder for their sixth, who is likely o take his seat at the top of their table very soon after this election.

The New Cons who are rather like the old Cons but with more religious zeal, have managed to nick their slogan from any number of cheesy ads that have driven us mad on t’telly lately; “Your Nation, Your Voice” (pass the sick bag, please!). Thankfully they won’t have a prayer (boom, boom) and we can see that one safely tucked up again in the cheesy ad world.

The Greens have, “Think Ahead. Act Now” which almost makes it, although it would be better to have had a larger pause between the two clauses lest things be done without sufficient thinking first.

Labour has come up with a slightly speedier one; “Let’s Keep Moving” , which while it has some ‘movement’ to it still sounds a little drab. It could be interpreted as “Keep Moving. Nothing To See Here”, which would be an unfortunate interpretation as there should be plenty to see over the next few weeks.

Sadly, there are a whole heap of parties contesting this election who don’t seem to have a slow gain that I can mock or even (God forbid) praise.

However, there is one more who does, and after much thought (about 10 seconds worth), I have decided that the winner of the most naff election slogan is The Opportunities Party, with “Vote Different”, which suggests that the opportunities they might be seeking would need to include tuition in the English Language with a strong emphasis on grammar. As there is no “Different Party” contesting this election, one would have to imagine that these inarticulate nitwits actually meant to say, “Vote Differently.”

Let’s see if we can elect someone on September 19 who can at least express themselves in a manner that is grammatically correct.